i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
