I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
