hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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