But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
