what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
