its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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