i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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