so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
