We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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