I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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