Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
