A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
