Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize