areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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