All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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