Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize