New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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