it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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