Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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