ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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