these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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