i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
