Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
