he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
