piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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