And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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