I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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