he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
