It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
