Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
