He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
