ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
