I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize