I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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