this boner is exhausting
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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