I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
