hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
