my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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