U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize