Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
