I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize