I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
