week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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