I hate your face
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
