Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
