Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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