One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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