I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
there is puke in my bra ... again
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