Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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