Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
