Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
