I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
