Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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