maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize