So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
