I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize