someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
its liver damage thursday
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
