Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
