and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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