are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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