white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
