it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
