My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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