I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
