dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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