Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
