oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize