My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
