Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My pussy is not your playground.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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