11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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