Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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