He is such a slut. More and more my type.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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