the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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