it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you traded sex for a burrito?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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