I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
