I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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