This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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