Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
