had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
