My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
