My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
