p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
