so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
