a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
