dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
