Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
