Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
