Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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