I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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