why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
