she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
