somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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