that's an acceptable place to lick
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
