Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
